The Darker Side of Truth

The New Old Love of my Life!

2011-05-27T18:55:00.002-05:00

The Girl of my dreams has called me. I've been in love with her for over 2 decades. I can't wait to see were this will led!

Why Did God Put Me Here

2009-05-27T15:03:00.008-05:00

I haven't published anything in quite some time so I thought I should catch up on things. First off; I'm still stuck in this little spot of Tennessee that some call Jellico, I still refer to it as Hell on earth. My life though has begun to go in directions I could never of thought of in quite some different ways.
Though I still stuck in a dead end job which I can't stand anymore; my only relief is my music these days. I had almost forgotten just how much I loved to play and how relieving it is. I begin to play and off into my own little world I go.
Now, to the question at hand, why on earth did God put me here? I find myself asking that question quite often these days. I just can't seem to get a grip on what purpose He has for me. I have lost more than I could of ever imagined in these last few years which has left me with more questions than answers as of late. I really thought that after the loss of my baby, nothing could get any worse. But, I guessed wrong. I'm now looking at being single again, rebuilding yet another NEW life, and facing the fact that I'm having to start all over again.
Since I pretty much lost everything, my home, car, etc. I am forced to try and rebuild a life in an economy that is merciless these days. I guess I should be thankful I even have a job but, even the owner has spoken of having to maybe close his doors before to long.
I have really begun to question this whole God has a purpose for my life thing. I'm really am beginning to think that either His so called purpose is for me to be miserable or that some angels must be having a good laugh at my expense. It seems the more I think about it, the agnostic I'm becoming. I find it hard to believe that I'm just going through some trial to test my faith. I'm actually getting rather sick of hearing that from allot of people around here, who have as the saying goes "Have It Made," telling me I've failed God or it's just a trial I must face. I look at them with their big homes and fine cars, their 2.5 children and their fat wallets and wonder what trials they've had to go through? I watch as they never have to wonder when or where their next meal might come from, how they might find a ride to work, or how they'll pay the rent and electric for the month. Yes, I have watch as some of them who now are facing the same possibilities as me, are now beginning to question themselves.
Yes, God was great and good and full of mercy and abundant with wealth for them till now. Now I see them asking the same questions I've been asking my whole life. But, I have found some answers to some of those questions. One being that I've spent my entire life living for everyone else, considering them first in everything, giving up everything I loved to do just to make everyone else happy, and conforming to what everyone else wants me to be just to keep them from being embarrassed or talked about.
I've had to live with hurt and pain just so others could be happy and get what they want from me. I've felt the after effects of being thrown to the side once they used me up and got all they wanted and there was nothing left to take.
Well, I've decided to change all that. I'm going to live my life for me and to be happy for once. There's something I've known for a long time but, never had the nerve to say. And that is I'm not going to live in anyone Else's shadow anymore, nor will I continue to be something I'm not for anyone else. I will not put walls up around me and my feelings anymore. I am somebody, I am a person who has thoughts, hopes, dreams, and feelings, just like everyone else. And I refuse to let my wants, needs, and desires go by the wayside any longer just so somebody won't be embarrassed or will gain from my losses.
I have decided to come out of my closet, remove myself from the shadows of others and into the sunshine. I"m removing these walls that surround me, and freeing myself from these chains that I've let others bind me with. I"m no longer going to do for others as they have not done unto me. I would never use anyone but, I'll be damned before I let others use me again anymore. I will live as I choose to, and not be ashamed or worry what others will think about me. I will find friends who are caring, loving , and compassionate, not those who are all about "what's in for me" attitudes.
I soon will be looking for a job in an area that no ones knows me, and start over. I've decided to leave this wasted life behind me and follow my heart and dreams. I will face that which has haunted me since childhood and embrace it as a dear friend. I now know who I am and will now accept it as I should of done ages ago. I've always know where my happiness layed, but for the happiness of all others I let it set put up in a forgotten closet or attic like an old favorite toy or comfortable pair of shoes that never got used anymore.
For those who wish to remain my friend, I can only say if you are a true friend than stay in contact with me, and don't judge me because, I'm what you may think of as a different person these days. Because before anyone decides to lay judgement upon me they should first look into a mirror and judge themselves by asking a few simple questions like; who did I offend today or hurt, and have I been a true friend or just someone trying to gain from others? You don't have to understand me, but to be a friend all that is required is compassion, caring, and love. All these should be unconditional, not based on whether I'm different or my views are not yours. As for those of you who like to call your selves Christian, then act like it, be Christ like. Not as the hypocrites are, who love the label as long as it serves their purpose.
P.S. Yes I have a new Tattoo. Now that was a shock to everyone including myself.

Eulogy for my Dear Friend

2008-03-01T01:17:00.005-05:00

This post as it may seem odd but, just recently I was given the task of doing the eulogy for my dearest childhood friend who after only a short life of 45 years was tragically killed in an auto accident by a truck driver who was neither licensed and also under the influence of drugs. He crossed over the medium hitting them head on and killing my friend on impact. As this was hard enough being the first funeral in my ministry career to do, it has had a double impact as well for I never imagined it would be one of my closest childhood friends. For me I guess doing this particular post helps me to bring some closure to this tragic event as it had to be a closed casket funeral and I never got to say goodbye. I guess what really affected me most was the fact that his family are all devout atheists and did not want a religious eulogy. What made this even more trying was I knew Randy had given his life to Christ a short time ago and was immediately ostracized by his family members. So imagine if you will being asked to perform such a daunting task without bringing Christ into this picture? And moreover, being reminded by the only family member who had not forsaken him and was in charge of all the arrangements that on several occasions he had mentioned that if anything was to ever happen he wanted me to deliver his eulogy. As much as I wanted to, So as much as I may of wanted to, I couldn't say no.
So for anyone who may read this (though I doubt anyone does anymore) keep those two thing in mind. Much to the dismay of the family we both agreed to a compromise that meant I would open the eulogy with some verses of scripture and close with a prayer. My father a dedicated minister of 52 years once told me you never preach a funeral; that the person who has just past does that themselves by the life they lived. That all one can do is speak to the family and offer comfort to aid them in their time of grief.

Time is too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice,
But for those who love, time is eternity.
Hours fly, flowers die,
New days, new ways pass by,
Love stays. (Henry Van Dyke)

1Co 13:1 If I make use of the speech of men and of angels, and have not love, I am like sounding brass, or a clashing cymbal.
1Co 13:2 And if I have a great power, and have knowledge of all secret things; and if I have all belief, by which mountains may be moved from their place, but have not love, I am nothing.
1Co 13:3 And if I give all my goods to the poor, and if I give my body to be sacrificed, but have not love, it is of no benefit to me.
1Co 13:4 Love is never tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride;
1Co 13:5 Loves’ ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for it’s self; it is not quickly made angry, it takes no account of malice;
1Co 13:6 It takes no pleasure in unkindness, but has joy in what is sincere;
1Co 13:7 Love has the power of understanding all things, to have trust in all things, in hoping all things.
1Co 13:8 Though the seer’s word may come to an end or our speech fail,
And wisdom have no more value,
Love has no end.

Though my heart is filled with much sadness at this time, my eulogy will not one of despair, nor of loss, and mourning, but it is one of hope, love, and celebration. I had the good fortune of knowing Randy, spending time and growing up with him. Moreover, I had this same good fortune to call Randy my friend. I can attest to the talents, good humor, strengths but also, the gentleness and kindness, to which he personified. Randy was the type of person who lived this life to the fullest, who took advantage of each and every minute. These were always the fundamental qualities that dominated Randy’s character.

Though now I may mourn the loss of such a beautiful person and friend, I will forever cherish that friendship I shared with him and celebrate the time we shared growing up together. For I believe he would want each of us to continue living our lives in the same manner he did. He would want us to dance again.

And rather than to mourn his death,
I believe he would want us to celebrate his life.

In keeping with that spirit of his life, I thought about the many things that Randy did to make me laugh. Such as, one time in our youth when I refused to go to any of the school dances because, I couldn’t dance. Randy did his best to teach me how to dance. I will never forget how Randy told me if anyone was ever born without rhythm, it was I. He would laugh at my two left feet and me but ultimately he finally succeeded and we were off to the school dances.

But, such was the way with Randy. We would laugh together ever acting the youths we were: Setting up all hours of the day & night with our record players and black vinyl records acting like we were superstars singing and laughing with each other, as we would talk about our lives and plans and all the other things best friends would do and talk about with each other.

But, that’s what best friends are for; to share in the joys and sometimes in the pain & hurts that we encounter on life’s highway; Randy was a friend who was always there when I was down, to lend a hand when I needed help, and to be there as we grew and learned. He was always there to encourage me, to push me to do better and be a better person. Randy was the embodiment this, a real and true friend.

But, just as we impatient youths can’t wait to grow up, life unfortunately, sometimes pulls us in different directions and we grow up becoming engulfed by a cruel world that leaves little time for us to just stop and smell the flower’s sweet scent on a cool breeze. Randy once told me that the real cruelty of being grown up and becoming that adult was that the world sometimes makes us forget that we should have little fun or a good laugh and dance everyday.

Yet in talking to my dear friend on an occasion a little time ago, I was reminded that for all my concerns of this world I needed to loosen up little and to remember how to dance again. That is why I choose to celebrate Randy’s life not, his death. There’s a song that goes “Life’s a dance you learn as you go.” I’m thankful that his last act of kindness to me was in reminding me sometimes we could all stand to dance every now and then in this life. To enjoy this miracle that is our lives, and to see the perfection of the child in all of us: The child that knows the honesty of love, the kindness of a friend, and the beauty of the spirit within all of us.

And it is that Spirit that is my dear friend Randy; and for as Long as we each remember her will never be gone from us, never pass away, and never fade. But, will continue to live in our hearts and minds. For it is the joyous memories of our dear friend and family member that he leaves with us; not the sadness that this life was tragically stopped and cut short, nor that for now our sight may be blurred by our tears of sadness but, that even though in Randy’s passing on to a higher plain, he leaves us with his living memory in the spirit of everyone he touched in this earthly life.

To the family; I mourn with you in your time of loss and hope that your grief will in time be replaced in time by the precious memories you have of him.
For of my dear friend, I can only say, he will continue to live on in my heart and spirit, for he has taught me the kindness and love of a friend and confidant, and has forever touched my life by showing me how to see through the eyes of my heart.

Though I do mourn for you my friend
And though I may cry,
And though you are leaving me
I do not say goodbye.
For goodbyes mean forever
Yet here you still remain.
Because, forever you will live
Here in my memories,
And forever in my heart
You will remain. (Thomas Barnes)
(That was for you dear friend, I love you, and will miss you)

Back to the GrindStone?? and a Heartfelt Thank You to my Friends

2008-01-31T18:14:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been since before Thanksgiving since my band was in the studio recording. The last few months have basically been just pickin' and havin' fun jammin' to alot of old tunes from our various past bands. In a way I'm ready to get back to business as we've had this latest project on the burner for over 6 months now. I guess its time we've finished up this little project.
Our goal was 12 tracks but, considering that a couple were Christmas songs, we'll likely have to replace those now. Yes, We had planned on releasing our demo before the holidays, so I guess we fell short of the goal. We have been updating our myspace music site though. We've added some vids and pics. It's funny to look back on some of them as some pics and vids were from way back in the early 90's, and some even from our high school days will be up soon. To set back and look at some of those pics and watch the old vids makes me want to either cry or laugh. (Mostly Laugh). You may never be able to go back in time but, it sometimes can be hilarious to look, hehe!
Though as of this time I am still planning on finishing my master degree this fall, I have to admit it's fun to be able to get back behind those lights, mics, and guitars and in front of those amps blasting away to the tunes of a bygone time when life was a whole lot simpler.
Anyway, this Saturday, me and John (my bass player and fellow singer) hope to lay down 3 more tracks in our home made studio we've have affectionately called the Boom-Boom room. All of our music is pretty much cover tunes but, we do a few I have written we are tempted to lay down as well.

On other fronts, things have been rather peaceful for which, I'm thankful for. With so much happening this passed year, I am rather looking forward to a year filled with happiness rather than sadness and despair. I was glad I was able to get over the hurdle of the Christmas season. I know Christmas should be a time of celebration and happiness but, once you've gone through a lot of life changing personal tragedies, you can really begin to relate to and understand why it can be one of the hardest times of the year for some. Just to be able to afford gifts for the kids was the biggest blessing. And though some thought I was crazy; I even put up a little Christmas tree with a few small gifts under it at Riley's grave. And yes, I know he's in best hands he could ever be in Heaven, still I miss him. It was actually the first time I was able to visit his grave site since his stone was set in June. Though I may never understand in this life why God wanted him with Him, I think I'm finally beginning to accept it.
Other than that I began counseling this month with a trusted minister friend of mine. So for those dear friends who have keep me in their prayers and thoughts I am thankful and hope that you all will understand that though I've been rather surrounding myself in a shell and acting out of character as of late, I want you to know I am really thankful for your friendships and I love you all. Each and every one of you are very dear and precious and I just ask your forgiveness as I work out these events that have happened. I guess that old sayings true; "when you on top of that mountain, that's when the devil will attack you the hardest to bring you back down to the lowest valley." I know this though, that God has been there all along, and yes, so have you "my friends." I hope you are all in the best of health and doing well. And though none of you may not know it, all of you are on my mind always. I know God has sent you to me and that He has a very special use for each and everyone of you. And yes that means you Jared, Brandon, Natalie, and all those how have kept me in their prayers, thoughts and hearts. You guys are all the best. But, healing takes time and some hurts can make a person do crazy (if not DUMB) things without thinking, so please just bear with me for awhile. Jared, I want you to know I love you like a brother and you will never know just how much your friendship has meant to me.
So before I start crying or something silly Like that I'll stop. But there is something to be said about the power of friendship.

The New and Improved Bearshare? (A Open letter to the maker's of the New Bearshare File Sharing Software and the Music Industry)

2008-01-29T10:51:00.000-05:00

Okay, hears the jest of it. I download all my music from my laptop and transfer it to my music computer at home. It has no internet access, so I do a file transfer. Guess what after spending (wasting rather) several (over 8) hours downloading some music the only thing it will play on is my laptop. I even went as far as hooking up my old computer to a phone line and loading bearshare on it and nothin' and I mean nothing at all. None of these files will play, media player cannot load the license, they won't even play through bearshare's media player. I can't even use my laptop to burn them as regular audio so I could play them in my car. This even after purchasing the license for the music. (And unfortunately, though I agreed to pay for the license they still tried to charge me a fee for things I didn't download incl. the over-price Pro version. Now that they had my CC no. I was forced to put a stop on all charges from them.
Bottom line, The New and improved Bearshare SUCKS. I have since removed all traces of it. I myself am a musician, and I firmly believe that if someone purchases a cd it's their property and they can do with it what ever they want. Since it seems that my old bearshare for some reason will no longer work since having this loaded, I can only hope you pusses will grow a pair before handing over that 30 million and realize the more you give in, the more control the government and greedy companys will take over you and all of us. Yes I download free music. Why? I personally know that it cost less than a buck 50 to record, produce, package, market, and sell any music cd and less than 2 for a double cd set. The average royalties earn by all involved from the writers, musicians, and production to point of purchase(including profits) is less than 3 bucks. So where does that money go? You guessed it right in to the filthy fat pockets of the record label companies. Oh, AND no some of that does not go into touring promotions and the like,even though the record company's foot the bill for most of it, they charge it back to the musicians. Yes, I can read a contract. And those advances; yep you guessed it, that's all they are. They must be paid back before you receive a penny from that first album.
Do the math idiots. Average Cd price paid today at a music store, around 25.00. Average price at a discount or dept. store; around 20.00. Taking an average of 23.00 less costs (incld, royalties, Prod. etc.) that leaves over 18.00 going directly into the fat record company's piggy's' pockets. Basically, though millions could be made off that first album, for the musician or band it was nothing more than a freeby they did for the music company. And let's not forget ASCAP or BMI of which will shut down us poor musicians if we don't join their unions and pay out ridiculous fees annually. There is no such thing as a independent artist. From the lowly studio musician to the arena filling superstar; if your not a member, you don't get to play professionally or even semi-pro. So now the lowly musician must give back over 1/3 of their music income to these jokers. It's all these fools who should be charged with a crime, of robbing us all. And of course let's not forget the lovely radio stations who also to play music must annually pay upwards of 30 to 90 thousand dollars (and that is just the small to semi medium markets) in fees. Guess we know why talk radio has become so popular now. Who's next? Well, let's try the satellite radio market who have tried to get past paying out a fortune in fees by broadcasting multiple genres into their own media players. Not for long if Ascap and BMI has their way. They are already starting to implement changes as to how their fees are applied to this new market in a way that will fatten their pockets even more. And just who benefits from their so-called union(s)? They do of course. Who does not benefit? Not the artist's whom they claim to be protecting their rights. Unless, a good majority files a complaint, they do little more than protect their rights by seeing that more money flows into their unions pockets. Think mafia and protection money. Just who where these guys protecting, the lowly shopkeep from? Answer; their own thugs.
And don't think that you can escape their clutches. My drummer who just left us to join a Progressive Christian rock band though we advised him to have a attorney look over it he didn't. He was told after he signed the contract with the record company, that before he could perform, he must now join one of these unions and that since he had already signed a contract with them, he would be in breech of contract if he didn't. This is because, they cannot allow him to record or perform any of their music unless he was a union member.
Ever wonder why you don't see as many jukeboxes now? Yep, Both ASCAP and BMI filed a suit in the 1980's to collect fees from those who had these machines in their place of business so that the supposed "artists" could collect their fair share of royalties. The court shot this down initially but, after a few months of lobbying the right people (a little cash here, a little there), a bill was passed that in affect made it a law for them to collect fees. Now the average cost of a jukebox then (1980's) was around $2,000. The average take on one of these machine (say in a small club for an example) in a year was about $800.00. Average maintenance and repair costs as well as new record replacements a year was around $300.00+ a year. Average union fees charged $3,000.00 to $8,000.00 a year. Once again do the math; they were just not worth it. Oh, and yes, don't we just love these professional DJ's in the clubs? Guess what, they too are required if they act as a contracted professional to pay usage fees to these unions or face the possibly of being fined big money. And for those of you "DJ's" out their who say you've never heard of such a thing; ask your boss at the club especially if your in their employment and not contracted, if they are paying a fee to ASCAP and BMI for you to spin your records. If they hire live bands they must pay as well, even if the band's not unionized. I had the lovely experience in 1993 of having my band shut down one night because the owner of the club had not paid up his annual usage fees to ASCAP & BMI. He had missed his $18,000.00 yaerly payment. Yes if your a cover band who plays for pay, you are supposed to pay for the use of those songs or the businesses that hire you are. The only loophole thus far is if you perform for free or do your own works. My current band only does free outdoor family oriented summer shows. This is the only thing that has saved us from the possibility of a fine so far. But, that loop is about to be sewed shut as the Union is lobbying for congress to further restrict the laws so that even guys like us will have to join up. To all you guys out there on myspace music, get ready. You may enjoy the new found free publicity your getting but, it's about to cost you. And we're not talking a flat rate for dues. No, no, dues are based on money earned unless your a recording artist. (That's when it get really complicated). You will pay roughly around 30% of that to them or more. And soon if you play any tunes other than you own works you'll have to pay a royalty fee to them. So if that video or recording you've got posted on myspace isn't you own work you may get shut down, and for damn sure give credit to the original artist and writers when posting cause, all these sites are now required to remove any content that doesn't give credit to the original owners.
Oh, and P.S. - don't forget if you do your own works be sure and have it copyrighted before performing it. And if your an independent don't think you can record, produce, manufacture, and distribute your own CD's to any radio or other "Broadcasting" company without being a member of the union, and under contract to a record label as they have adjusted the laws over the last two decades to stop any of these companies from playing independent works. And if you did copyright it, remember, before you can get a recording artist to do it you will either have to sell it and give up all rights including copyrights and any titles to the recording label including as the author unless you are a member of one of these music unions. Of course then if you are a member they must pay you royalties which, you give a hefty percentage of back to the union.
I know some joker from the recording industry, ASCAP or a other member/person is whining and crying right now telling me I'm full of horse hockey, and that their dues are not that ridiculous. And you know what, you're right. Their not, until you start adding up all the different dues together (ASCAP, BMI, AFM, etc.)And though I myself am basically bitching too, I find it very unfair that my small town who has our band perform during the summer twice a month in our downtown park is telling us that they may have to stop due to the fact that they may be required to start paying fees to the industry unions if they continue to allow us to perform since we are going beyond what is usually allowed for open shows by non professional artists. Basically all we do is get several of the area bands together and put on live free shows to entertain and help to keep the youths off the streets and hopefully away from predominant drug scene in the area. It also gives the people here somewhere to go for fun with the family without having to drive 50 miles away.
So here's to the entire music industry giants and their unions, there's an old saying about getting blood from a turnip around here. Well, turnips don't bleed.
Also you wusses can keep your new and dis-approved Bearshare. Theres no point in it wasting up space on my computer if I can't use what I download. And to any musicians who think these Big business's and union's are looking out for their best interests, wake up and smell the coffee, if you can still afford it! It's not your pockets their worried about. It's their profits cause the more they collect from all of us, the less we musicians will gain. They will just up the percentages in their favor and you'll still be poor and and in bondage to them. And unless, I am a complete idiot myself, isn't that what the copyright protection laws were meant for to begin with; To protect the published works of an artist(s)? So now just what exactly is the union's protecting me from? Maybe it's to keep me from having any money in my wallet? Or how about to keep me from purchasing anymore music equipment? I know!!!! It to help keep those evil bill collectors at bay (haha)!! NOT!!!!
And P.S. Though they claim that this new Bearshare is adware, spyware, and hitchhiker, and virus free, I found it to be loaded with it, even more so than it was before.
And for one more tidbit of information check out this website I will be posting up. It's from the Gnunella forums at Bearshare's own website. This was posted by the Angry Pirate: "As part of the agreement between RIAA and MusicLabs, BearShare will become a legal P2P service by being purchased by iMesh. This new version will be version 6.0 and will be free for the first 30 days and then will cost money. Here are the links I found this story reported at".

http://today.reuters.com/news/Articl...A-IMESH-DC.XML

(Since, I sent a copy of this letter to Bearshare before publishing it here, this site has suddenly drop the article. It basically blasted Bearshare really good).

(The other site below now has the article written in a more favorable attitude towards Bearshare but, if you'll now notice it now states that it is an advertisement for Bearshare rather than the news article it once was.)

http://news.digitaltrends.com/article11122.html

IN other words they can keep their new software. I have had enough of being screwed up the arse!
And I have ask them to remove me from their email lists. I will report any new emails as phishing scam spams and to the proper authorities!

The Masonic lodge & Choices

2008-01-07T18:52:00.000-05:00

Just recently I was queried by a close personal friend about what I thought about Freemasonry and the masonic lodge. After a few moments of consideration I replied with, "I hadn't really thought anything about it other than from what I've heard and seen on TV like, The History Channel." And really most of that is tied into shows about conspiracy theories and the like. after doing some research, (primarily from the internet since there seems to be very little about them other than what you see such as the Shriners. Most publications I found came from less than reputable sources who see only what they want and discard the rest. These are usually the conspiracy theorists who find evil under every little rock and shadow including the Bible sometimes. Of course, the WEB is no great source of intellectual knowledge but with a trained eye one can usually find it easy to disregard a lot of the garbage that floats out there. but, yet this conversation was not meant to be one of casual or even theocratic course. This person who is a minister and whom I have considered to be as close to me as a father had a motive behind the question. That being was if I had ever considered joining the local lodge here.
Now I had until now always considered the lodge to be a exclusive club who's only members were the rich, powerful, and political elite in town. I had never even considered the fact they were also Freemasons. So at this point I was assuming that I was about to get some insight on the evils of this fraternity until he pulled out a necklace that had a pendant with the symbol of the mason's on it.
The next part of the conversation is of course obvious or should be by now. I was being asked without being asked if I had considered joining the masonic lodge. I was told about all the good work they do and how the fraternity serves to make a good man a better man and the brotherhood of having a place and person's to go to in time of trouble or distress. I told him I would consider it but, would defer my answer until I had time to pray about it and learn more about the Freemasons.
Since that time I've been approached by a few of the more prominent men of our community with a handshake and friendliness. Men who until a month ago wouldn't of given me the time of day. And now only these men but, those within the Christian community as well. Prominent men of the both the pulpit, laity, and many local church leaders, all of who thought of me as nothing more than another poor old Southern Baptist who wasn't very blessed of God because, I am poor.
And though I did sense the humanity and what felt like real friendship from some of these men, I have to wonder if had this particular conversation not taken place, would they have came to my aid and comfort in my current time of crisis. This friend had never mentioned this before had suddenly ask if I would like to join the lodge? We've have been close friends for over 30 years and he was even one of my teachers in high school. And these men some I went to school with and others who I had known but, had never even spoke to me before are suddenly smiling and asking me how I'm doing.
I was given a petition to join and several of these men from both political, law enforcement, business, and the clergy have said they would carry this petition before the lodge. These men begin to come around to talk with me. Without really being in a position to think clearly for some time, I turned it in and was informed today it had been voted on and I was to be at the lodge this Friday to began the rites and rituals that would make me a mason. Yesterday I really begin to dig into this whole masonic thing and read up on a lot of their rituals and what they stand for. I can clearly see all the good they do with the charities and the like, and I've actually got to watch some actual films on some of the various rites, rituals, and degrees of freemasonry. Yet, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm making the right choice? Have I really prayed enough over this. Their basic requirement for what they call the Blue Lodge (local level) and for entrance at the basic level or 1st degree is that you must belief in a supreme being. However, it is not required that that being be the God of heaven, Even thought
the rites are based on the ideals of the building of Solomon's temple.
Basically, there are 32 degrees that can be obtained in masonry with the first 3 through the local lodge. After which if one choses they can either stop or acquire more degrees thorough either the Scottish Rite or York Rite of free masonry. If one choses they can even stop at the 1st degree and go no further. But to hold a set or position within the local lodge one must go through the first 3 degrees.
Now one thing I did find was there seems to be a definitive difference between the two rites with the Scottish Rite being considered the more intellectual and social. It is from this rite that Shriner's are (but you can be a Shriner in the York Rite as well). The York Rite stems from the ideals of the Knights Templars of the medieval age. The one difference with this particular group that struck me as odd was though the masons do not require this supreme being to be the Christian God, the Knights Templars do require that one must be a Christian to take on the rites and degrees of York Rite. Another thing I seem to notice is that the York Rite seems to be based a lot on the gnostic beliefs of early Christianity and seems to have a lot of mysticism in it as well.
I guess what I'm trying to figure out, is this something I would want to do and will it really interfere with my personal beliefs? I am a Christian, though not a perfect one by no means. I have and continue to make idiotic mistakes every day. Some that have cost me greatly, including dear friends. But, as I stand at yet another crossroads can I ill afford to make yet, another mistake? Will that mistake be to turn down a golden opportunity if that is what this is, or will it be to accept this invitation and enter into a area I know little about that might cost me maybe even my soul.
Is this fraternity nothing more than a brotherhood of men honestly seeking to make themselves better men and for the betterment of all mankind or is it really a pact with the devil seeking to bring about corruption, destruction, and the end of days as the conspiracy mongers would have me to believe.
Has my own friend been deceived all these years? Although, I know that by turning down his invite, our friendship would remain, am I willing to be alienated by my few dear friends I've left, who might see me as going over to the dark side? Why is it I even feel this need to belong to this organization? I have known the friendship me and my friend have know, more than once I've cried on his shoulder and he mine. And he tells me that I haven't even begun to know friendship until I've experienced it through the brotherhood of freemasonry. I honestly don't know if any one or even my friends I've left read my blogs anymore but, I need your HELP if your reading this. I need advice, opinions, or anything that might help me in my currently confused and vulnerable state to make this decision. I've only till Friday evening 6pm to decide on this. And as I said given my current state of mentality I really don't know if I can make the right decision without your help. I feel trapped in a way. It seems I've lost the path and am now deep in the dark wooded forest with no light. If you think I'm losing it, you're probably right.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

2008-01-05T07:31:00.000-05:00

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn't know
This is where the truth don't lie

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

When the water's high
When the weather's not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who's gonna be there?

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

You find out who your friends are
(yeah, yeah)
You find out who your friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
(Well man, I've been there)
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
(Man, I've been there)

Man, I've been there
Oooh yeah.
[as recorded by Tracy Lawrence]

2008-01-04T10:42:00.000-05:00

I just recently visited Carson-Newman's Website for the first time in a long while. Just when was Dr. Garner replaced as the Head of the Religion Dept. by Dr. Crutchley? This really came as a shock to me. I knew there had been some major shake-ups in the last year but, I was floored by that one. I'm still glad that he's on staff still. Not that I dislike Dr. C or anything, he just didn't impress me much and really seemed to lack any personality. Even as busy as Dr. Garner was, when you went to him; he genuinely seemed to care & would always listen. Besides, if he of his own accord chose to stand down, why wasn't any of the more senior prof.s with a longer residence status selected.
I knew there had been some major shake-ups at good ole' C-N; before and after the departure of the former President of the school but, I for some reason found this to be very disturbing to me. Of course I tried to look into C-N's website a little more but, no longer being a student access was limited pretty much to what they wanted any potential new student to see. Boy would I love to get back on the C-N forum site and read up on what I've been missing these last few years. Of course I also wouldn't be surprised now if the computer lord hadn't already shut that particular link down by now.
Now don't mis-understand me here; I loved my time at Carson-Newman. Most of all what I miss the most is my dear friends I made there, and the staff I was fortunate enough to have intermingled with. If wasn't for these two groups I would of have likely dropped out and never finished. Even those who graduated before me stayed in touch and supported me to the end.
I understand that to grow things sometimes changes but, change just for the sake of change is not always a good thing. This for some reason has renewed my interest in returning back to C-N for a long over due visit and asking a few questions. Having work several years ago as a reporter for a local radio station has renewed that thought of doing a little investigative research and maybe writing an article on the recent events at Carson-Newman.
I wished C-N would set up a link for the alums' to allow access to the sites that we had access to as students rather than the current link which as any of us who's been there knows is nothing more than a solicitation for giving to good ole' C-N. It's seems funny to me that after attending one of the endowment scholarship's banquet one year and listening to how they surpassed the 250 million mark in annual academic scholarships and the roughly 87,000.00 I have already paid them for the education I received, they could have a little more courtesy towards the alumni of the school. I have average since graduation, about 50 or more letters of solicitation for giving back to C-N. So what's up with that? What exactly am I suppose to be giving back to the school. I mean after all, Did I not pay for what I received? Are WE not now paying for it still in student loans payments or in deferment so WE can Pay other schools more money (from mostly borrowed funds) to make us Master's in our chosen profession. Did we not master did we not master these skills in college? It puzzles me to ponder that to educate the youth of today through the high school level all that we require is a 4 year college degree in some humanity or scientific field coupled with a state certification. Why are these professionals not required to be MASTER's in the one most important and vital field of our nation today; The education of our future? It may sound funny but, most states require a substitute teacher to have as much or in the case of one the county's I have subbed in more education or a liberal arts degree including courses such as grief, anger management, public relations, and even a course on sexual conduct in a classroom. I wonder how many of these teachers who have ran off or had affairs with their elementary age students would of benefited from that course. Yet, that same county does not require these state certified , union recognized educators to have any of this to work there. Why, the answer lies within the last sentence; UNIONIZED. Now, I am not against any union who serves to protect the safety and fairness of the employee's whom they serve but, I am against any union whose sole purpose is make sure a worker doesn't have to anything more that show up to their class and protect them from lawsuits stemming from they own inappropriate actions and misconduct in the classroom.
Now this is not to say that all teacher can be categorized into this one group. Quite the contrary. I have met a few teachers who I have nothing more than the utmost respect for. Who strive to see that each and every child is given an opportunity to get a equal and fair education. Unfortunately, these brave and dear teachers usually become canon fodder and quick casualties of the political wars that control our educational systems on both, the local, county, state, and federal levels. They usually burn out quick and either quit teaching all together or move over to the private sector for less pay and benefits. If they choose to stay they become subsidized and relocated to the most undesirable teaching positions in the system requiring them to move clear across the county or drive the distance everyday. The same general statement can go for those who choose to teach in the higher fields of academia. The good ones you can usually find teaching in the smaller private colleges for less pay and less job security than their politically motivated brethren and sisters in the higher paying state universities with the almost limitless benefits.
But do not think that even in the private sector that politics and money plays no role in these forms of education. On the contrary, it the youths of those in power, with the political and monetary clout that attend these schools. It is these elite few who subsidized and minimize the public education system into practically nothing more than a daily holding cell with high priced baby sitters to keep the little brats off the streets so their pour parents can toll away for a minimum wage on a job worthy of a much better rate of pay. Who proudly but, often blindly go to work every day to make their rich bosses richer while their families do without any form of medical insurance and little if any food to place on the table. AND WE HAVE THE GAUL TO ASK, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH OUR YOUTH TODAY?"
Why are so many turning to alcohol, drugs, dropping out. Why is if there is no child to be left behind, so many are? Why? Because, of no hope and a lack of faith in a system that as they see it, has always been against their parents and now them. Even these petty minimum wage jobs are being taken away and given to peasants overseas because, the minimum wage cuts to deep into their ever swelling profit margin here. Why pay an proud American worker by the hour a minimum wage when I can pay some poor family of 12 about a buck a day to mass produce a low quality inferior product that the poor saps who I took away their job will continue to purchase.
WE as a nation have become our own worst enemy. We absolutely must have reform if we are to ever reclaim our heritage as both a Nation who is look upon with pride and fear by others and a God fearing nation who will no longer back down from our beliefs; standing for what is good and right. My GOD, we don't even have the balls to fight a war anymore. I had never thought of myself as one who would look at the prophecies of John the revelator as being as relevant to society today as they were in his day but, the patterns are just unfolding to neatly according to his revelations.
Atheism and homosexuality have become the flavor of the day. We can't get through the day without a pill and the night without a drink. Children are being taught tolerance for those who are so-called different. My Bible teaches me to love others but, not to tolerate sin. It tells me to love my brother but, not to make my bed with him. And now we are hearing everything from history that Jesus was married to He was gay. But, I thought according to these same so-called experts; He never existed? So, it would seem to me that if these imps of satan cannot convince everyone of their lie than the best they can hope for is to discredit His life and good works.
The rich and powerful who will likely burn like their ill-gotten treasures, have yet to succeed in completely removing God from our schools. Did you know that in our public schools that it is against the law for students to form or perform and type of prayer to the true Christian God but, that that same law which banishes public prayer in school protects the right of other's (foreigners, illegal aliens, etc.) to openly and publicly pray, hold religious ceremonies, and restrict the rights of Christians to eat certain foods or have certain events in the school because it violates their CIVIL rights to freely worship when and where or however they choose to their false gods, even though their not citizens of the USA? I watch my son receive 3 days of in school suspension for wear one of these bracelets that said Jesus on it and I was sent a letter informing me that if this happened again he could be suspended from school and I maybe subject to certain fines and penalties for allow him to violate federal and state policies and laws governing the separation of church and state. What a hoot. It just so happens that one of his classmates who is a non-US resident here because their parents who were given a free education by the US to become doctors and are allowed to work here are worshipers of the false hindu goddesses 'Kali' or god of death. Her purpose is to instill the fear of death on all. Her position within the belief structure is that she defeated and killed all the other god including her own parents and the gods of the worlds. According to this child, this 'kali' (or dark mother as she is sometimes called) is only to be feared by non-believers. It is they (the non believer's) who feed and sustain her, and their dead body parts (heads and hands) that make up her adornments. Since all hindu's forbid the eating of meat or being in the presence of such the school cooks must prepare a special meal each day for them each day. Since this meal cannot be eaten in the cafe where the other children eat because of the meat products, she has been give a special room for in which, she can take her meals and allowed a certain amount of free time each day while in the class room to practice her daily rituals in front of the other children. Now, this is all done so that we do not violate these non-residents, and no-tax paying foreigners religious and civil rights. Now maybe some may say I really need to lighten up or that I've stretched myself and maybe the truth a little. But, let me ask any of you this, exactly where does it violate the law with what happened to my child versus it being allowed by law for others out of fear by a once God fearing and glorious nation? This idea of tolerance and temperance has not only made us weak but, has allowed our nation to be overrun.
I really don't know who I've gotten so far off subject but, it really is time that we as not only as a nation but, as individuals woke up to the realities surrounding us. America has lost her luster, the Eagle's wings have been clipped and Lady Liberty has her head hung in shame. Our fallen soldier's and veteran's who fought and died for this country are rolling over in their graves.
Psalms 13

How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever?

How long wilt thou hide thy face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

having sorrow in my heart daily?

How long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and hear me, O LORD my God:

lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;

lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him;

and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

But I have trusted in thy mercy;

my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.

I will sing unto the LORD,

because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

Riley Miracle Barnes

2007-03-09T06:20:00.000-05:00

Riley Miracle Barnes

Born March 3, 2007 at 5:13pm

Died March 3, 2007 at 6:43pm

Please remember me and my Family when you pray, especially my wife as she recovers.

May God give us the courage to face that which we don't understand.

If it Was Simple, It Wouldn't be All That Fun

2007-02-21T01:18:00.000-05:00

I'm back. Setting here at work once again wondering if maybe I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque. Anyway that's water under the bridge. It seems that I once again face the dragon as my wife has developed several complications from her pregnancy. We are now facing the possibilities of our soon to be latest edition to our home being born with Downs Syndrome. Not that this was already considered a high-risk pregnancy; she is now in her 5th month and already in the hospital due to myriad of problems both with her and our child. I still have hope that all will be well in the end. And I know my God has never let me down. If anything it is my own self that has disappointed Him.
All I can do now is pray and hope for the best, try not to expect the worst, and live with what ever the outcome. The Docs have put her on complete bed rest. This has really gotten her down and put a major dent in our finances, so it looks as though seminary is once again going to have to be put on hold. Although this has served to become somewhat discouraging, I still believe God has a plan for me and wants me to finish that which I started. I guess my biggest worry is going to be how I can pay for the care that our son will need along with all the other debts I have from student loans and such. Our insurance will cover most of the prenatal care but, says they are not willing and not obligated to cover any of the expenses that will occur concerning the child after he is born, including any birth defects.
The real kicker is they're also threatening to remove our other son from the policy. To be honest, I've never been a fan of welfare and cannot stand the thought of having to go that dreadful route, but I really see very little options at this point. I grew up in what could basically be called a welfare community and was raised by parents who were very proud and wouldn't even fathom the thought of being on welfare. And even now it would be really hard to accept that that may be a route to take. Besides a really good minister friend of mine who works in human services in my state says it would be almost impossible for us to even get help from them. I guess the truth be told I would have a hard time even going there anyway.
Yet, I will hold out hope that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and that all will work out. I may not be able to see it just yet, but its there. All I ask of my friends out there is that you guys keep us in your prayers.
On a otherwise lighter note, my 12 year old just celebrated his birthday on the 12th of this month. Though I was very hesitant I got him what he has been wanting; a guitar and amp. I now can really understand were my folks were coming from when they would quince every time I would hook up the guitar and amp they got me at 12. I guess its in the blood as they say (ha, ha). Besides, God must love musician's, just look at King David. {Or at least that's what I use to tell my dear old Dad}.
Anyway, I devote this last paragraph to all my old college buddies, who may still wonder by occasionally to my blog. DROP me a line guys and gals! I really miss all of you, and would love to hear from you. I know many of you are and have moved on to bigger and better things, but every time I think of you all, I can't help but smile. I was really lucky in that I met each and every one of you, for everyone of you were and are some of the best and finest people and friends that have ever came into my life. I love you all dearly and I thank you for your kindness and friendship during my time at Carson-Newman. You guys and gals really are the best and the cream of any one's crop! I hope and wish all the best to all of you cause, you all deserve it!! Be at peace, and may a pot of gold be at the end of ever rainbow you find.

Updates

2007-02-04T06:03:00.000-05:00

Just a quick log in to let everyone know, it's gonna be a boy! Hope all my friends are doing well and are having a good time! As usual I'm at work and waiting for my night to end. The funny thing is though, in college we sat up all night hoping the night wouldn't end (ha, ha.
As for the latest on the home front; me and some of my old band members have gotten back togeather. Even though it has been years since we've played togeather, we all have falling right into place. The sound is really coming togeather and we've are all ready booked for several shows. We have been ask to return to our old gig playing what our town calls "Saturday In The Park" here at home. It should be interesting to see if we Old 'Farts' Still got it. We haven't played that gig since the 90's And to be honest I never thought I'd ever pick up playing lead for a band again. The One big major difference is that now we are all men with families and have committed ourselves to NOT going back into the old lifestyle of club playing. I don't think I could ever go back to that again. As intriguing as it may sound to some, It's really not a fun and glam life. Personally, my body has paid a heavy price for that lifestyle.
Anyway, hope to hear from some of my old buddies soon. For my friends who still takes a moment to check me out here, call sometime. Take care and God Bless. If I don't see you soon, I'll See you in the funny papers.

Just Another Day In Paradise

2007-01-29T05:05:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's been awhile. I know, I said I was gonna keep up with this thing but, demands on my time has otherwise taken its toll on me and my blog. Oh well, just another day in paradise (YEAH RIGHT!).
Today marks the end of my first year of procrastinating about getting started in seminary (Yeah). Though it does serve to bring me down somewhat, I still have hope that the good Lord is gonna make a way for me.
In the lastest news about yours truely, I'm about to embark on a journey I've taken before and had never thought I go again but, here it goes; I'm gonna be a daddy once again around the end of June! Imagine that? The last thing that anyone my age would ever of expected. Of course after the shock wore off, I really didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or go crazy. My wife and I was told after our son was born that due to complications she had and some surgery, we would have very little chance of ever having another child. And after 11 1/2 years we both had settled on the fact that we wouldn't.
Not that I'm sad at this news, it's really more concern that at my wifes age, she's considered to be very high risk, especially considerng her age now. So far though we have been told that the baby is perfectly healthy and there appears to be no complications. We should find out this Tuesday of it's gender, as she is scheduled for an ultra-sound. I'll Keep you updated on that.
In other news I somehow ended up back at my old job as an auditor for my former boss at Goldleaf Management. It kinda seems funny that my road has in-advertently ended back at the place I was working on getting away from. At least it's better than nothing.
As for my plans for now, if the Lord willing I hope to find myself in seminary this fall. The biggest problem is financing right now. And with my student loans coming due in June as well as the baby, I just hope somehow I will find a way.
I guess I'll leave this post for now and get back to work. Anyway, I wil try to put something new up real soon as well as, let everyone now how its going with my wifes pregnancy. But, for now keep me in your prayers and may God Bless.

The mind turns in accordance with the ten thousand things. The pivot on which it turns is very hard to know.

2006-11-12T14:14:00.000-05:00

Hello once again. As I endeavor to try and keep up with my site, I was perusing my saved pics and art work and found this piece. As in my absent minded state of being I cannot remember who is credited with this particular piece but, I will give the proper credit when I find it.
My purpose in putting this art work up was as I was browsing my folders I thought of the season and how things change. Normally I find myself using my blog to vent however, today I thought I'd post something different. For some reason after reading the comments to my last post I decided to visit their site and became interested in their postings. Which naturally has lead to today's post.
This particular piece of work as well as comments put me in mind of The passage in Ecclesiastes Ch. 3. This particular passage as titled by The Byrds, "Turn, Turn, Turn" is quite likely one of the most used passages in funerals by ministers ever. Being the son of a preacher and a student in biblical studies myself, this passage reflects not just a changing of seasons but, of birth, life, and then death. At least that seems to be the view of many ministers.
We're all familiar with the most popular of this 8 verse passage; "A time to be born and a time to die." And for many (including myself) have taken the view of the latter; "A time to die." Yet are we mistaken in our view? Through out the entire text of the passage it does not speak of opposing sides but, of changing times. Yes, there is a time to die and everything must in that order be born and then eventually in this realm of existence; die. At least in this flesh as it now stands. But are we missing the point? Do we in our fleshly nature focus solely on death? Is not just as important that we live?
I begin to notice as I re-read this passage that although we place our emphasis on the latter the real focus by the writer is on birth and life. As one from the Baptist theological persuasion I've heard many ministers reverberate Paul's words in that "We have preached no other message to you other than Christ and Him crucified." And yet for some reason seem to drop of at that point. Yes, Paul made this statement in his letter but, he doesn't stop there. He constantly reminds those of whom he ministers unto of the life in Christ we can all share; of the resurrection in Christ of those who listen and follow His teachings. In other words, we've seem to keep missing the mark.
I'll not put the complete passage in my post but, ask you to re-read Ecl. Ch3, 1-8 and think as you read. As the pattern of life progresses we can see that even though there is a time to live and then die, there is also a emphasis on the former such as, a time to heal, build up, to laugh, and to make peace, just to name a few. If you read closely you'll find that most of the emphasis after the initial death verse begins to be place on the positive; the things which make us feel alive, which keep us sane and happy as we go through this earthly life.
In other words there is a 'Time ' to think positive. So many times I've seen the pattern in my own life where I would focus on the bad things that oppress me, that wounded me, so much so I become blind to the light at the end of the tunnel. I lose sight of the goal. And because of this I miss out on the things God surrounds me with that are happy and make me a winner over evil. The things that present themselves to keep me on my feet and my goals in sight.
Life is indeed short when compared to the rest of the cosmos but, I don't not believe that God intended us to go through it mourning only our losses and humming dirges throughout it. There is obstacles in our path and there is mountains to overcome, it's called life. God never promised us a bed of roses; He promised us peace; of mind and of soul.
Paul states that he had to learn that regardless of the situations that presented themselves in his life to be content. And what did Paul face? Persecution from others, evil on every side, imprisonment, scourging, shipwreck, sickness, betrayal and loss of friends, family, even his fellow apostles and ministers. Like Christ, he was deserted by those closest to him, accused by those he had called friends, imprisoned by his fellow citizens, and executed for no crime against the government other than inconvenience.
Now ask yourself, have you ever been persecuted by others (chided, teased)? Faced with evil on every side? Imprisoned by traditions or in your own mind? Beaten down by the world of men? Shipwrecked in spirit and soul? Sickened by your own fleshly weakness? Betrayed by others or those close to you? Loss of friends or family because of death or opposing views? Deserted by others when you were in need the most? Accused wrongly simply because of your beliefs or faith? Faced ostracism by your community because you didn't fit in their little click or held a different view than theirs? Or had the very core of your being (Spirit) executed by the court of "Popular Opinion" because you choose not to play follow the leader(s) in the latest "Cool" thing?
I tell you brothers and sisters, these are the little things. Don't sweat it. From experience I can tell you if you do, it can bear down on you like the weight of the world. It it can and will destroy you, your spirit, and core of your being if you do not learn to overcome.
These things are small and insignificant compare to the larger picture; the greater plan in the universe. These things will take happen, it's called life but, it doesn't have to be the all encompassing dark forest that blinds you to the "Son Light" that lights your path and guides you back home to peace.
SUNLIT PATH
Universal Prayer
O Holy God, Lord of mercy and love,
Praise and honor unto Thee!
Thou art omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient;
The Holy and Sacred power that is the source and sustainer of the universe;
Thou art peace of mind;
Thou art the indweller of all beings.
Grant us an understanding heart,
Equal vision, balanced mind, faith, devotion, and wisdom.
Grant us inner spiritual strength to resist temptations
And to control the mind.
Free us from egoism, lust, greed, anger and hatred;
Fill our hearts with divine virtues.
Let us behold Thee in all things;
Let us serve Thee in all things;
Let us ever remember Thee;
Let us be ever loyal to Thee;
Let us ever sing Thy glories;
Let Thy Name be ever on our lips;
Let us abide in Thee for ever and ever;
That we may be full, complete and whole.

Ground Control To Major Tom

2006-10-31T18:10:00.000-05:00

Well, it has been nearly a year since I published my last editorial so as my friend the "Crazyscotman" says, it might not be a bad time to post anew.
Since, I last posted, I have graduated from college and thanks to current economics I'm spending all my time back home doing nothin' but substitute teaching to try and make a few ends meet. However, while working maybe 10 to 15 days a month (if I'm lucky)may sound appealing too some, it does not pay the bills let alone the student loan payments that are quickly coming due next month.
I still plan on doing my masters work yet, I cannot see how I can afford to make the move and come up with the up-front costs of seminary. I pray and plan and even try to come up with some scheme that might aid me in my current financial crisis but, the only things I can come up with are either illegal or immoral. And that is just a line I refuse to cross. Taking 3 years out of my life to finish school not only drained any savings but, has also left me with many bills that have piled up upon themselves and me that seem to have the weight of the world.
The trouble is that of the 2 seminaries I've chosen to attend really want you to be free of most if not all financial obligations prior to attending. I'm finding this to be true of many others as well. Many also refuse any form of government aid such as grants and student loans out of a fear that forces them to have to conform to government regulations which is in my opinion ridiculous since the only requirement for federal funding is that the school must be accredited by one of the 4 accreditation institutions for religious and theological studies, namely the ATS (Association of Theological Schools). This is the main agency most schools use except for Catholic and other Orthodox religious schools. Both schools are accredited and must be otherwise the paper is not worth the paper it's printed on.
Let's be honest; who in their right mind would want to attend any school who is not accredited. If you attend a non-accredited private secondary (elementary/high school) it is next to impossible to get accepted at any accredited college or university. For those few who do, they usually must take a barrage of compentency tests to gain admintance (it is actually easier to get into college if you were home schooled rather than to have attended a private non'accredited school). Same goes for masters work. No accredited institution will accepted a degree from a non-accredited college or university and it is the same with PhD work as well. The only exceptions I have found is usually when the institutions are formed under one umbrella. That being a institution that offers all 5 levels of education within their own denomination. This still brings about a catch 22, as the only real jobs open to you is one within their corporation or religious denomination. Now I plan on a teaching career in higher education, does anyone really think they would have any opportunity of landing a job at a accredited college, university, or seminary without the proper creditials? It's like going to a Third World country to get a medical degree or degree to practice law in the U.S. Not to mention the chances of landing a good job in the world market. (do you really think you'll be hired for the vice-president position at a bank when your MBA came from the non-accredited University of Timbucktoo, over the guy with an MBA from an accredited small town college or major university?? And yes, they do look at the schools you attended).
Here's the next catch 22; if you attend school after the college level (i.e. masters, advanced study) your student loans will usually not be allowed to be deferred if you attend a non-accredited school. I know it now seems I've now seemed to go into the land of babbling with rhetorical nonsense and left to the subject, yet now one can see how it is has a domino effect when we make these choices.
I apologize for my ranting. I know my God has a plan for me and a place. And I should be content in whatever situation I'm in. Yet, I can put help feeling the need to educate whoever may read this blog and maybe help them to realize or at the least to see the need to do their research before making major life changing decisions effecting their education and future. And with that I'll sign off for now Feel free to post comments if you wish; whether good or bad, agree or disagree or indifferent. I know some will harshly defend an opposing point of view and that's ok. Just do the research.

Tomorrows the Big Day!?!

2005-12-16T04:38:00.000-05:00

Well, the wait is finally over, all my grades have been posted and I get to take the big walk Saturday. I went by Henderson Hall today to thank the profs and take one last look around the the place where i've spent most of my last fours years. In the words of Scotty, "it brought a bloody tear to me eye."
Although i have plans for the future (i.e. going to work on my MDiv and such), we all know to well about the best laid plans of mice and men. I really feel so alone right now. This school has became more of a home than my real home. Especially since I've spent the majority of my time here. Yet, it will be good to home and spent some quility time with the family.
Like anything I've ever done in my life, I just have to re-ajust yet once again. In my heart though i know I can never be the person I once was. School has really changed me in the way I think, act, and look at life now. I know I'm a better person for it, and I also know that as much as I will look at things and people at home and defferently, they too will also view me in a defferent way.
I just hope they can accept this new me, but it's not likely. My home town has a hard time accepting change, especially when people change. They would rather nothing change; that people should know their place and stay in it. Just the other day I got to hear a one and a half hour sermon on why a minister should not worry about getting an education as long as their called of God.
Yet it's water under the bridge now, and like the river I will flow. I've set my sails and I will go where ever God leds with or without their help. I know that like Paul, I've found that when I would do good, evil is always present. I don't they mean evil, so don't get me wrong; They are just so set and backwards in their ways that they can't see any other way.
So let them think what they want; for me this a major accomplishment and I am proud that I've earned my degree. I've pored a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into earning it. I put my life and my families life on hold. So why not be proud at such an achivement? I will hold my head up high tomorrow as I walk accross that stage. I will cherish the memories of the friends I've made and cry a little too.
I will say my goodbyes and give my thanks to all; the professors who taught me, the staff who aided me, but most of all to the wife and family who has stood beside me throught this whole adventure, who never let me sway to far from the path, and remain faithful even form afar.
So to her and my children will I dedicate this posting. And although to say thank you is not even close to coming to how I feel, I know in their heart, that Daddy was always there, and they in mine. And to my friends I've made here at Carson-Newman I dedicate the following:

Here we are coming to end, which is also a beginning
All the smiles, tears, adrenaline, sweat, and broken hearts
Through the tears, fears, finals, and friendships
No one knows what each of us has gone through to be here
I can look around at everyone and wonder what they will be
Some may never remember the professors, you, or even me
All the weight of world is now pressed upon our shoulders
Fighting the good fight to make something of ourselves
For years of work to start all over again with a new fear
Not showing ourselves, not to shed a single tear
Where one door closes another opens, and we must walk through
Though nothing is what it seems, everyone wearing a mask
Afraid to open up for fear of being hurt, for fear of change
We will never know unless we make our fate and
Meet our destiny with all we have taken from this place
Sharing our love and friendship with new friends
Though never to replace our home town companions
How can we ever forget the memories we made in this chapter
The dark days coming into light, the days we did not want to wake up
The mornings after we let it loose, having to get up and make it through
I cannot see what lies ahead, but I know some things must stay unsaid
I will say I love every friend that I have made here at Carson-Newman
Thank you, you have no idea what you have done for me.

Sixteen Days and aCountin'

2005-12-01T17:15:00.000-05:00

Well, it's gettin' close and I'm really starting to feel those nerves kick in. I can't wait for gratuation, but somehow now I wish it would never come. Last weekend I moved my library of books back home and today I packed up yet another bunch of totes for a trip home. It's really gettin' hard to force myself to do it though.
But, as life goes, it also changes. And I must accept it. My college life has come to a close and I must now push myself back out into the real world.
Current plans are for seminary this fall, so I guess that means I must put my sorry butt back to work for awhile. The only problem is my hometown has become so economically depleted that I don't think I'll be able to find any work there. Its lookin' like the old man may have to look elsewhere.
Oh well, I sto for now and get back to packin' and feelin' depressed.

Happy Birthday, Good Bye, and Thanks for One more Last Wild Ride

2005-11-20T10:58:00.000-05:00

Well, this is a shock, at least to those who read my blog. I'm posting yet once again and its not on my semi-monthly schedule. Anyway last night I celebrated turning another year older and feeling the pains of my age beginning to catch up on me. I really must wonder sometimes, that with all our vanity why must we constantly remind ourselves every year that we are growing old with these annual birthdays.
My family just could not wait to call me this morning and remind me I'm getting old by WISHING me a HAPPY Birthday?! Don't get me wrong, but do I really want to be reminded that I'm now officially one year older than I was a year ago? Especially now that middle age has crept in upon me. Yes, I am Happy to be alive and I thank God that He has bestowed upon me another day and year of life to serve Him, but I wonder if Ole' Methuselah who lived 969 years ever celebrated his birthdays. I know since I've returned to college, I kinda feel like I'm reliving the younger life I missed out on, but these birthdays are just another reminder that I'm not as young as I use to be (along with the many aches and pains of trying to keep up both physically, and mentally with these young minds and bodies).
Its funny though, they with their quick wits and abilities seem to costantly look to me for wisdom. Yet I must admit that though I may be the elder, I'm none the wiser, just older and more experienced. But even that experience hasn't taught me that sometimes even the big old dogs can get kicked off the porch by the younger pups.
Since we're on the subject of time, I've moved from counting weeks before graduation to days; as it is now officially 27 left before the Big Day. I guess that's the final thing to do before I leave here. I think I've come now to somewhat look forward to moving on. I've moved on so many times in my life; left friends behind and had really gotten use to it, but this time for some reason is different. I never had a problem with moving on before, and yet I find it to be most difficult to let go of this last experience. The pain is felt thoughout my gambit of emotional realities that It is finally over, college is about to give me a degree and kick me out back into the real world on my proverbial Butt. And then my life will once again be in my own hands. I thank the school for the education which they've given me at great cost to me, and I know I will leave here a better man and fully enriched with knowledge, but I guess I've become accustom to this life and have become afraid of the dark once again? Yet I'm sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but as for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I've settle with my self long ago that somethings are really just fairy tales.
At this point, I think I'll close and pray that I'll find more adventure waiting for me outside of this garden of Eden called college life.
I've learned to crawl,
Then learned to walk.
I learned to speak,
Then I learned to talk.
I've learned to add,
And to subtract.
I've learned to live life,
As a child happy and carefree.
Somewhere along, I found I grew up,
Suddenly I found I had responsibilities and such.
I had to learn to set goals,
To meet deadlines, raise a family,
And watch my own children grow up
And for all I've learned, experience has taught me one thing,
I never learned how to give up.
And as one door closes, and another opens up.

The Times They are (Bout' to) Changing

2005-11-17T22:29:00.000-05:00

Well, This is about to be it, I'm 3 BIG weeks from the point of no return. Graduations just around the corner and the anticipation, fear, excitement, amazement, and nerves are in over-drive now.
I wish I could just stay in school just one more semester, but way prolonged the day I've been waiting for these last four years. Man, I'm really gone miss my buds. I've made some many friends, and many feel like family now. Brandon will still be here a few more years and I'll likely come over and visit with him and Casey, but I know it will be like pouring salt over an old wound. These guys have all really been great friends throughout this semester.
Many of my old friends here have graduated and moved on, but I still see Jared on occasion when he pops into town. One of my best friends Morgan seems to have fell completely of the radar, but I hope he's doing well. He was really instrumental in helping me to adjust and cope my first few years here. Now I guess the only thing to do is get ready for the big day, pray I get to graduate and try and re-adjust to my new life after college.
I plan on taking it to the next level at the master's level, but I really feel I need time at home before I head out again. I found a great school for that at Gardner-Webb, so it looks as though another big move will be coming this fall. I have some old college friends down there now, and I'm sure they'll help me to re-adjust yet once again. And one of my old professors is the director of admissions there and has set me up with a pretty good package.
Yet I still feel a great mixed bag of emotions as I try to sort out my new life. I really know how my old room mate Jared felt as we said good bye the last day of class last semester and moved out of our old apartment. One good note though is He's coming up this weekend to help me celebrate my birthday as I will be stuck here for the weekend and not going home.
I guess the only big frustrations I feel come from the college itself as I near graduations. As if I don't fill out enough forms every semester here, and pay out the cu-zu for this place, they continue to send me more forms to fill out for graduation, and stick me more bills (i.e. grad fee, invites, pictures). I mean I've pay to the average tune around 21,000-22,000 a year to go here, so you would think some of that stuff would of been included in the fees. I mean 180.00 activity fee every semester that for activities that even if I did go to I'd have to pay for anyway?! 180.00 technology fee per semester to use their computer labs, which I never use. And the fact that if I did use their network for internet access, most every sight is banned by our campus computing director gOD who has most every sight blocked?!
And there's the forms. Now tell me why the alumni dept. need's to know everything about me from my date of birth, to my social security no, to what and how many times I piss during the day? In truth, they don't. The only department how needs that info is the financial aid and provost. But yet I am told that I will submit the info before I graduate. I guess they forgot about the little federal law on privacy.
Anyway, I've vented, and I feel better. But that doesn't change my mixed bag of feelings that grows larger as I get close to closing this door. I guess my biggest fear is returning to a home I really don't now anymore and having to operate on a lower level. It has been hard the last few years to try and deal with those at home whom none have a college education and most of those not even a high school diploma.
I think of it as a challenge to deal with, but, I know I just can't deal with them anymore. Besides, as much as the thought pains me, I just don't feel like that's home anymore. And I feel it more with each time I go home. I have found myself in anticipating returning here within just a day or two of being there. So much has changed, not there, but with me. I'm no longer the person they expect, and I can feel it coming from those at home as well. They even say I've changed, and many of my old friends and some family seem to avoid me, especially in conversation.
I guess, as this door closes I will just have to open another somewhere else, besides there. May God Bless and help me in this difficult situation.

"As the Sand of Time Fall"

2005-09-08T00:14:00.000-05:00

Another week has up and done gone by. Man, that was fast. I quess thats the way it is with life. Speaking of which, it seems as though I have no life this semester. My apt. is starting to feel more like a prison, than a home away from home.
Which, also leaves me with another dilema. As I made my gracious return to cell block 112 here on campus after a 3 day hiatus, I was left with the odd surprise of having to find that my roommate had moved out on me. No note, no forwarning, nothing.
I thought everything was ok, but apparently he and another decided to move off campus sometime ago and couldn't get the apt. until now. Thanks for nothin' AHole!
So now I'm stuck with trying to persuade the new RLC to allow me at least some say so into who will be moving in with me. One of my frat bro's is trying but I don't know if the powers that be will let him. At least he's a good guy and trustworthy.
It's almost tempting to just say that I don't want one except, for the fact I will be charge for one half of the empty room's rent for the semester if I did. Its just another way for the college to put the screws to me I guess. I came in this semester with 126 of the 128 hours needed to graduate from this institution of higher 'blood sucking,' but for some strange financial reason, they deemed it appropriate that the max limit of courses one can take during the summer term was 14 hours. No big surprise that they would not let me have an extra 2 hours. After all whats a couple of hundred dollars compared to another regular semester at $12,000!@$^&
At least I get a break from all this B.S. next week as one of my old bro's and I are paying our dear respects to a graduate studies school in Tarheel country (YEAH). Yes, I am comptemplating the idea of letting old Uncle Sam loaning me more bucks at a fair % rate (HA) of usery, JUST so I can add to my professional repository, so that I myself can me placed in the anals of a higher tax bracket. Yes ole' Unc Sam, I just keep on bending over. U da man Uncle Sam, you just keep on loanin' me that money and I'll just keep bending over.
So let me see how allthis works: 4 years ago I was just a poor working dumb-ass with a low paying job and a home (that I owned)and just a few monthly bills, now I will soon be a highly educated "DUMB-ASS" with my house in morgage and in debt up to my eyeballs! (emphasis added)
All I ever wanted was to be financially comfortable, but somehow when I was a working stiff, bending over for the man it didn't seem that I felt quite as dirty. Now I'm still bending over, and the man seems to be putting it a whole lot deeper than he use to.

Coming to a Crossroad in Life (Sounds like a catchy title for a sermon eh)

2005-08-30T09:57:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been a long hard road, here in the land of college life but, finally I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. The proverbial rainbow so to speak. It has been fun though thanks to some really good and wonderful friends. Friends like Jared, Morgan, Adam, and the frat bros. IF one really wants to learn of the diversity of social life, one only needs to go to a liberal arts school.
I once thought I would never meet a more diverse culture than in the military until I came here. I was most wrong. These guys and gals that I now call friends come from all walks of life. And yet there is one thing I have found, that no matter what racial, ethnic, or cultural differences there has been between us all, one unequivocal truth still remains, that we are more alike than we are different. College, like any other institution that houses a varity of different people still tends to segregate into little groups of which one tends to get both a feeling of belonging and at the same time a sense of self or uniqueness. And even for one of my age (the non-traditional student) its much the same. However, what I have found here with my friends is not a single mindedness, nor a group in a self contained idealistic bubble, but an openness to new ideas, and a willingness to accept all who comes along. The most beautiful thing with us was there was no big I"S and little you's. We didn't care where you came from, who you were, or what your situation was, we just wanted to call you friend and lend a helping hand.
I can honestly say, that had it not for meeting these friends here at Carson-Newman, I would not likely have made it to the end. And in that lies the internal struggle for me. It's my last semester, and with just 15 weeks and counting, I will call myself a college grad. And for all this, all those wonderful friends have moved on. Jared and Adam has graduated, though I still speak and see Jared quite often, its still feels odd not having him for a roomie, along with Adam, who I've got to see once since I've returned. As for my other dear friends Morgan, I really don't know whats happened to him. Its as though he's feel off the face of the earth. He did not return this year, and hasn't replied to any of my emails. I hope and pray that everythings allright with him.
Well, this will have to do for my lastest update, so I'll stop for now and get back to translating Biblical Hebrew. And P.S. Jared, better keep reading that stuff, cause I've already forgotton most of what I knew. Ain't it fun trying to play catch up with a dead language? I promise, new updates will be coming soon, so stay tuned!!

God Bless all who happen to stumble in to my humble pub. The coffees on me! Just follow the sighs!?

2005-05-22T11:47:00.000-05:00

Well, Here I am once again, stuck at school during a three week summer term. I swore I would never do another summer term at college after last year, but oh-well. Anywho, at least this only a 3-week session. Last year was all summer. I decided to make this sacrifice so that I can graduate early and get the &%$@# outta here. So to sasve thousands of dollars, I will leave this institution in December, rather than Spring the following year.
I guess you could say I finally got even with the system and beat them out of another semester of money, but then again I will leave here with a piece of paper from them, and thousands of dollars in debt. I have learned much though from this wonderful institution such as: college is nothing more today than jumping though a bunch of hoops in order that you may become a more productive member of society by getting a job that will ultimately put you in a higher tax bracket. Come on, did you ever wonder way Uncle Sam and the old U.S. of A. is so willing to give out student loans and grants??
And now if you want they will provide you with even more loans so that you may seek out and aquire a masters or even doctorate degree. More taxes?! If I sound cynical, it's only because I learned practically little since returning to school that I had not already gained through my life experiences. Yet, to remain viable in a job market that has little tolerence for the working class stiff, and little respect for anyone who does not have a degree, I've placed myself and my family in debt by borrowing money from Uncle Sam that I will payback with interest to the minimum tune of 8.5%. Which I think is unfair. I can understand a service charge, (you know the one that is imediately cut out of my loans before there even applied to my school account), but to add insult to injury is the work of a depraved mind. Heres the deal you borrow say, $2500 from old Uncle Sam, Uncle Sam has a bank to give $2400 of the money they gave them ( the $100 is the banks service fee). You however sign a promissary note to repay the $2500 back (why $2500 instead of The $2400 you got?), plus interest, which though is a locked in interest (not variable at the time of payback), can vary in the amount repaid based on whatever the current economical trend is. Today it is 8.5%, which would nomally mean you would pay back aroun $215 on top of the $2500. However what most students do not realize is that the percentage rate though 8.5% upon entering college may change over the course of time during school. Even though the first 3 or four years this is the interest rate you sign for, it may jump in the last year say, to 10% (not a common thing usually to jump that high). You do not paypack part of the loan at the original rate, you now payback all the loan at the new rate you recieved during the last year. This does not apply in reverse order though. If you get a 10% rate at the beginning of you college carreer, and 8% the second and thoughout the rest of the loans, you will payback the loans at the original 10%, including the last ones. Funny isn't it?
I guess what really burns me, isn't paying back the loans, and I certainly have nothing but praise for this fine institution, short of some areas of the administration whose only concern is to screw you a week or two before graduation with a sudden bill or fees that you suddendly seem to owe and must payback before you can walk and receive you prescious degree. And the profs. here are some of the finest people I've ever had the pleasure to meet and learn under. My real bitch is that I know that once I have degree in hand it will in todays society mean very little more than the high school diploma I recieved years ago. Many of my profs. now tell me that to really get ahead now, I should seek out my Masters or even Doctorate.
So what prompted me to return to college aside from this being a dream I've always had, but could never afford then? Jobs and money. For five years I work for a company as an engineering tech and a accounts and purchasing manager. I did all the work of the engineer in which I worked under. I was given the purchasing position in an attempt to reduce the over budget spending of the company. In the first month alone I reduced their spending from $80,000 a month to Just under $20,000 by stopping the useless and personal spending on the company's account by supervisors. The next month, spending was reduce to less than $12,000, and was now under the $15,000 allowable budget. No thanks, just a rate of pay that less than a quarter of what the engineer made or the original accounting manager. What did they have that I didn't? A college degree. Though eventually both were let go, as a result of their lawsuits over their contractual agreements, the company was forced to close the sight I worked at. I was not offered a transfer to another location, but all of the degreed personel in management were. I was left in an economically depleated area, that has a 69% at or below poverty rate, and no where to go or the monetary means to get there. The entire company eventually when bankrupt as a result of miss management and missapropriation of funds.
I had applied to other companies and though they were most impressed with my work ethics and abilities, I had no degree and they had no use for me. So here I am. I guess the one good point to all of this I've only 1 1/2 weeks to go and I will be home with my family for the rest of the summer. If I were to give out advice to any young adult who is attending or getting ready to attend college, it would be first; to grow up. The single one thing I see in college students today is the inability to realize their not in high school anymore, they are now adults, although be it young adults, adults never the less. There is a very real world out there and it will eat you up and spite out the bones in a heartbeat. College can be fun, but your studies and your GPA must come first. Because like it or not you likeliest next step will be a masters, and a 2.0 GPA won't cut it. Many schools will not even consider anyone with less than a 3.5 to a 3.2 minimum college GPA.
Second, your young yes, and that is exactly way you should not only consider a master or even doctorate now, but dependent upon your degree and chosen field, you should pursue them both. For my particular field, a masters usually requires 2-4 years, and a doctorate can require from 2-5. Get it while your young. If your degree and field of studies does not require it then consider this: a average elementary or high school teacher in my county makes about $30-35,000 a year; with a masters that salary increases atomatically by $10-15,000; and with a doctorate it is an additionall $10-15,000 per year. That amounts to a difference of $30 up to a possible $70,000 plus a year. And if your considering an administative position such as priciple or higher you must at minimum have a masters and many require a doctorate.
There's the old saying, "I'm tired of school and I'm ready and want to get out in the world," well, I would find it much easier to enjoy that world with alot more money in my bank account. Bisides if you only have a college degree, most of that travel money will be to pay back those student loans anyway. And if you keep your GPA up; many schools will offer fellowships and scholarships in their masters and doctorate programs. Besides most schools who offer masters and doctorates tuitions are about a third or less than college. The only schools with realitively the same rates are state schools and universities. I would advise to chose your school wisely. Make sure that it is fully accredited bt the APPROPRIATE agencies. I can not stress this enough. ONLY schools that are accredited by agencies that are regonized by the U.S. Dept. of Education as accrediting institutions should be considered. If their not, don't even bother because the degree woun't be worth the paper it's printed on. This is the most common mistake prospective college students and those pursuing a higher degree make. Ask the intitution the hard questions and Check out their Acreditation, if they give you the runn around, FORGET THEM!!!If it's a new school, find out how far along they are in the acreditation process. This normally takes about 5 years and the acreditation if from an approved agency is retroactive for so many years also. That basically means that if you graduate before final accreditation, your degree is still valid if it falls under the grace period.
Any good advisor will tell you all these things during your college carreer, if they don't, get another advisor. His or her job is to make sure your on the right track in college and to advise you about opportunities and options before you leave. And double check your advisors remarks or advice with another in the field, whether it's another advisor or someone in your carreer field. A good advisor will also tell you this. If they become petty or jealous, once again find another advisor, you no need to have someone give you advice that will affect your professional life if they all they care about is themselves and their own viewpoint. After all would anybody with good sense, just let a surgeon cutoff their arms without a second opinion, just because they say they are the only one who knows whats best for you?

The Right to Free Speech

2005-04-05T23:22:00.000-05:00

"The First Amendment exists precisely to protect the most offensive and controversial speech from government suppression. The best way to counter obnoxious speech is with more speech. Persuasion, not coercion, is the solution." ~ U.S. Supreme Court Justice John Harlan

I would usually not spend the time to discuss such an issue, due to the fact that as a person who will speak his mind regardless of others pettiness or power. I have however, found myself in quite a quandary or predicament. I recently decided to post some comments on my schools forum in an effort to raise the student body's awareness of their governmental system that exists on campus. Having at one time sat on this Student Government Assoiciation (SGA) as a senator, I found out rather quickly that there was absoulutely no interest what so ever by the entire student body in what or how this organization conducts business and how their decisions effect them.
Needless to say, I apparently stepped on some very tender toes within the current SGA as now I'm am being told to look over my shoulder or I've been given fair warning that there will be some reprissals from some of these members. I do not know how others define free speech within an democratic system, but from I've seen tonight, apparently there are those who feel it is not the democracy they claim it to be. Rather it is a dictatorship with those oppossing their views being dealt with in a harmful manner.
I cannot help but, to respond with go ahead and try. I refuse to live out the remainder of my college life in fear of these little and small despots who would use their power and influence within the college administrative offices or to use bodily harm to scare me.
It has become apparent though that if such means were employed, I would respond not in kind, but with the appropriate legal recall. It is sad to think that these supposed little adults(?) are the future of our country. It is equally sad to think that there are those with that much of a lack of maturity are in a college setting. I firmly believe these bedwetting CHILDREN should be taken out of college and sent back to their mommy's and daddy's for futher instruction and raising.
If I sound angry it is because I am. I do not take threats upon my person, in any form lightly. Neither will I allow anyone person or group to deny me my God given and constitutional right to free speech to speek out against the corrupt and now illegal activities of an organization. For any of you who read my blog, and are a member of that organization, read the student handbook and your own constitution; It is a direct violation of the scholls policies and regulations as well as the SGA constitution to threaten in any fashion to do harm to another student. Since harm can be defined in many ways, to me, a threat to bring illegal reprissals (since free speech is a right granted me by the U.S. government they would be illlegal)to my academic carreer or my physical being, constutes harm.
Hopefully this matter will be resolved with some appropriate form of intelligence, however, I doubt it. To many of the little dictators fellings have been hurt and they will not let it die without they get their pound of flesh. I did as an attempt to appease these little demi-gods, place an apology on the schools open forum to those who felt that I was making a personal attack on them. Yet, I did not and will not apologize for my opinions and comments made on the SGA. I never once attacked anyone person by name, nor any particular political party within it, I commented on the SGA in general. Many of these were not of just my opinion either, many were the opinions of others as well. It just so happened, that this school forum, which I thought would allow for anonymous postings (since they do not require you to post you name) does however post your IP address, which I found could be pinged and show the entire name of the person posting.
I guess no one is safe now, who chooses to speak out against the establishment when we have to live in fear of being found out by emperial forces. It has become quite apparent to me that the school I choose to go to, this school in which I've live and spent the last four years at, and have grown to love and cherish has no tolerence for the liberal arts they teach and claim to hold dear. For if they allow the actions of such student organizations to continue, than they are aiding and abetting in those activities, and that is truely a crime. This is the same school that even now themselves fighting a fundamentalist takeover by certain Christian organizations bent on conforming it to their views and will. These organizations known as the SBC and TBC are already losing their accreditation in several of the schools they have already taken over due to their views and failure to follow the state and federal educational quidelines for colleges and graduate schools, leaving their students with no hope for a future in their major.
Anyway, I've vented now, although I do not feel better. I'm still angry at the fact it is not fair that I am not allowed an opinion where others are, as long as they follow the CODE of those in power. To any of the student body who does read my postings from time to time,if you are not a member of the SGA, I urge you to stop ignoring this Influencial and dangerous organization on our campus. Please tell your friends to get invovled, for as long as we choose to ignore them, the greater their power will grow, and believe me they do NOT have your or any of the student bodies best interest in mind, only their own persoanl agenda's. Do not wait until it you who face their wraith for speaking out against their wrongs.
To say the least though, for those of you who would threaten me, I will pray for you, I will pray for myself. That you will become more mature and grow up, and that I may be able to withstand the storm that is rising before me. All invovled in this that I know, call themselves Christian, including myself. And all of those invovled including myself, could sure use a little more time on our knees in prayer. May God forgive us all for the harm we are so readily willing to inflict upon others. And may His mercy fall upon the unmerciful that they may find mercy and forgiveness. Amen.

"The Moreen" Old Irish Air

2005-02-26T19:18:00.000-05:00

The minstrel boy to the war is gone,
In the ranks of death you'll find him;
His father's sword he hath girded on,
And his wild harp slung behind him;
"Land of Song!" cried the warrior bard,
"Tho' all the world betrays thee,
One sword, at least, thy right shall guard,
One faithful harp shall praise thee!"

The Minstrel fell! But the foeman's steel
Could not bring that proud soul under;
The harp he lov'd ne'er spoke again,
For he tore its chords asunder;
And said "No chains shall sully thee,
Thou soul of love and brav'ry!
Thy songs were made for the pure and free
They shall never sound in slavery!

Trekian Proverbs

2005-02-26T18:34:00.000-05:00

"As a matter of cosmic history,
it has always been easier to destroy than to create."
-- Mr. Spock, Star Trek

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

2005-02-26T18:31:00.000-05:00

"I've never met a couple yet who,
when they were walking down the aisle,
said,
'What we want is three years of happiness,
two years of [torment],
a messy divorce and 15 years of fighting over custody of the kids.' "

Are We There Yet?

2005-02-04T16:08:00.000-05:00

Since this is the 1st semester of my senior year, the count down is finally on. With mixed feelings of joy and sadness another milestone and turning point in life is about to be reached.
I have faced the mountain and know that I've have been more than a conqueror. I made friendships that will last a lifetime, and met or will meet the challenges that have been and will be laid before me with them. Togeather in some way we WILL change the World, Or at least our own little spot on it for the better. I love you guys for you are my brothers and my friends.